charlie-sunshine

I didn't always feel this way, but if there's one thing I believe with growing certainty (well at least in my sphere of thought) is that we are all old souls.  I believe our souls are evident...constantly on some plain of existence. That we preside continuously on different levels of consciousness. Logic...or should I rather say Science dictates that energy can never dissipate. What are we, if we are not but intricate networks of charged vibrations, frequency and energy operating on a preternatural timetable? The point?

Well, my point is; that the point is (=)).....to discover who we are, as we are. As whatever role (child, wife, friend, adversary, teacher, partner); in whatever century, age, era; as whatever being- we have a Learning Journey ahead. And part of that learning journey is to find  comfort in those stolen moment of absolute joy, when the most minute of revelations set in...of who we are, of who we were or will be and of what we hope- like shared secrets nesting serenely between close friends.

The hardest part is trying to constantly remind myself  that that's my point. Preach? No, sir. But testify I will...TESTIFY, TESTIFY!!! So, shoo my dear, how I've fallen off the wagon! Problems people...I'm working on them!

• Maybe get a scooter, the obligatory license and maybe a few lessons.<PAUSE> Did you hear that? No? Sorry I couldn't hear anything over the sound of  myself having a stroke.So, how about I aim for something less mechanical...a bicycle...#FLASHBACK# ...wait # RACE CARD#. I must be the only person who associates a childhood bicycle accident with Apartheid. I could  never honestly tell you that I've felt oppressed or hard done by by an almost prehistoric government, although I am completely a consequence of the emerging society in which it played at minimum the preface and introductory chapters to my modern day. Nonetheless, this is the only experience that still holds up as clear as day for me and could explain my aversion to bicycles and maybe, church. I was five travelling with my dad on a bicycle on a busy road, got knocked down by fault of a really old-school Oom,who told my dad to "Hou his bek" and shoved a ten rand note in his hand. I was in tears, but this comes as no suprise; I am still known to this day to exhibit a flair for the theatrics. My dad crossed the road to a church just across the way, and the caretaker wouldn't let us use the bathrooms to wash the blood of my legs and arm....(sigh).....garden tap. OMG!!!! Not, Ayoba...goddamnit- I was freaking adorable- how can you turn that down? Anyhoo...now that I've relived that...unnecessarily, I recant the suggestion of bicycle. Nay. Scooter...and will just rock my two trusty legs and remain irreverant of any government. 

• And my two trusty legs will hopefully (?) definitely Tuladandasana my ass into a yoga retreat and teacher's course.

• I am going on a looooooooong road trip.....I am dragging Moth. No, of course we are not walking. Transcendent to that degree, I am most definitely not. But, grateful nonetheless that I have a husband whose delusions I do not have to accommodate as gravely as he does mine....and it totally doesn't hurt that has no qualms with automotive vehicles!

• Master the hula-hoop. You laugh....but really, you have no idea just how scary it is that I'm this close.

• And with that said, maybe honestly consider joining a squircus. Honestly. And when I'm really honest about joining...on that fateful day I won't call it a squircus.

• Find a willing Hari Krishna, go Debra Patta on his ass and give him the third degree. If he completes a set of innumerable and anguishingly insurmountable list of questions/ scenarios/ role play/ tests of agility, then maybe, just maybe settle diligently on this life philosophy.

• Go to the dentist.

• Figure out how to come back as a cat in my next life.

• Not make life changing decisions when I'm angry.

• Not make promises when I'm happy.

• Quit my job.

• Rediscover the grindstone...(for a limited time only...then discover owning a farm).

• Find a track, get back on it....and don't look back.

• And lastly....stop being so gawddamn hard on myself...these goals will be accomplished- whether in this life or the next! But also hopefully sometime this year....there we go again!